Grandpa's Crazy Farm
illustrated with Gif figures
complements A Plus Art.com
[They used to offer them for free.]
copyright © 1998 by Brian M. Brown
Once upon a time, away back when Grandpa was only a wee bit old,
life was simple and easy.
On Grandpa's farm, the cat used to enjoy a
quiet and laid back life.
And the dog enjoyed a quiet and laid back life. It would wag it's tail a bit, just like all good dogs do, but it kept quiet and just took it easy. It was a very quiet farm.
But one day, Grandpa started having problems, and
those problems were all right there on his farm.
He had a rooster that always got into trouble.
On this day, the rooster found that it really liked to eat TNT. TNT is
stuff that EXPLODES. The rooster just could not eat enough TNT.
It kept eating it and the TNT kept exploding.
Now Grandpa knew that TNT was not a good diet. Grandpa liked to feed his rooster liver and spinach, because liver and spinach was a much better diet than TNT. As well, the noise from the explosions was not doing anyone any good.
Grandpa wanted to stop the explosions. But Grandpa couldn't get close to the rooster, because
the TNT kept exploding.
The rooster never stopped eating.
What a crazy rooster. It was working so hard
at eating, that it kept getting hungry,
and since it was always getting hungry, the rooster just kept on eating!
It was not long before the noise from all
the explosions began to really bother Grandpa.
The noise began to drive Grandpa crazy.
When would that rooster give up?
The rooster was making so much noise that
Grandpa didn't even hear the
tornado that blew by. Anyway, who cares about tornadoes
when you have a crazy rooster on the go?
The tornado kept the paper flying in the air.
The yard was a mess.
Then one day, a line of ants came marching by.
When the ants heard the
noise, they just kept on marching, and marching, and marching.
They weren't going to
stop at this farm.
Grandpa needed to get away from the farm and all the noise. He needed to take a break.
He decided to go on an adventure. It would be a great adventure, but not a long adventure. It was an adventure that would last a long time. He would go in to a nearby town.
It became time to get ready. Grandpa got cleaned up. Then he put some fresh red tomatoes in all his pockets and squished them a wee bit. Now he believed he was smelling nice and fresh.
He left his farm and headed for town.
But on his journey, something went wrong.
Grandpa lost his false teeth.
That's why Grandpa doesn't like big adventures.
Almost anything can go wrong when you go on
a great adventure.
But Grandpa is not a quitter, he did not give up. He kept on going, and going, and he went all the way into town.
He forgot to look for his teeth
When he got to town, he saw a new sign in front
of the town hall.
It said 
. Grandpa went inside.
On the inside, a show was going on. First
there was the juggler.
Next, the Bouncy Brothers sang a
song
and danced a dance.
Then came the next act. It was not a good act.
The little devil wanted to do magic.
But the rabbit said no.
The little rabbit did not want to do anything with the little devil.
The show did not go on.
Everybody was quiet. They all waited.
But, the show still did not go on.
Grandpa looked around.
A girl winked at him.
That was enough!
Grandpa headed home.
It was a long trip.
What was that thing he saw up in the air.
It looked like a flying dinosaur.
It was a flying dinosaur, flying on an airplane.
But, it wasn't moving.
Maybe it was dead.
But it sat up there in the air and looked like somebody had pasted him in the sky. Maybe someone used some crazy glue and pasted him onto the moon.
That would be sad.
It is much nicer to have a moon in the sky at night.
Having a dinosaur up there will be hard to get used to.
But, these are times when everything is changing,
so there is always something to get used to.
Later, Grandpa thought about his rooster problem.
Soon, he had a great idea.
He asked a friendly neighbor to come
to his farm, to fix things, to straighten everyone out. He offered
lots of money, so she was happy to work on his farm.
It was his old friend Hazel, and it just happened that
Hazel loved to nag and
complain.
Hazel went to work.
Unfortunately, Hazel made things worse for the poor cat. The cat was already upset by the noise from that hungry rooster.
Now, the cat had to deal with Hazel. The cat ran as hard as it could. It was always on the go. Except for a quick nap every now and then, it was on the go day and night.
But, Hazel did what she knows how to do best.
She went about nagging and complaining
to every animal on the farm. She was a real pest.
She was good at her work.
She was a champion nagger,
and when it came to complaining, she was one of the best.
That was just what everyone needed. Hazel went after every animal on the farm.
Soon, they all forgot about the rooster and the exploding TNT.
The only thing they could think of was
that Hazel person,
the one who was always nagging and complaining.
What a relief.
Grandpa now believed he had solved the problem.
But now Grandpa had a Hazel problem. What should he do with Hazel?
Grandpa was a wise old man,
so he soon found the solution.
Grandpa sent Hazel to wink school.
In school, they began by making Hazel get rid of her funny hat. Then, they made her learn how to say please and thank you.
Finally, it was Hazel's big day.
They taught Hazel how to wink.
Hazel was not good at winking, but she practiced very hard. She winked and she winked. Then she winked some more.
At the end of it all, Hazel was given a test; and she passed. She returned to Grandpa's farm feeling like a new person.
Now, all the animals loved her. She was saying please and thank you to everyone, and sometimes she added a little wink.
Hazel asked the rooster to please stop eating the TNT. The rooster stopped eating. Hazel said THANK YOU!
Suddenly, the farm became very silent.
Then, the cat noticed that everything was quiet. The cat was able to settle down. It began to sleep for a long, long time.
In time, it woke up, and then actually became friends with Hazel.
And Grandpa’s farm became a
very happy farm.
In fact, it became the
happiest farm in the whole wide world.
From September 24, 1998 to February 20, 2006, total hits were 1949.